


This Means War

by Lasenby_Heathcote, velvetjinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Captain America Reverse Big Bang 2017, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Prank Wars, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:56:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lasenby_Heathcote/pseuds/Lasenby_Heathcote, https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx/pseuds/velvetjinx
Summary: It started off small--snarking at each other during missions (and down time). But then Sam stole all his bottles out the bathroom and hid them in his underwear drawer, and Bucky wasn't about to let him get away withthat.This meant war.





	This Means War

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my wonderful artist, Lasenby_Heathcote, for the inspiring artwork and ideas. Thanks be to the CapRBB mods for this opportunity and being fabulous, and everyone in the slack chat for the encouragement. And finally, a million thanks to Calihart for the beta!

It all started off small. Snarking at each other during missions (and during down time), snide comments meant to get a rise out of each other. There was no real viciousness behind it; in reality, Bucky counted Sam as a friend. Just, you know, a friend he was always pretty mean to.

But then.

Bucky came home from a long mission, and went into the shower, only to discover someone had been in there and stolen _all the bottles_ \--shampoo, conditioner, body wash, aftershave. All gone.

Oh, Steve's was still there, but Steve liked shit that smelled like flowers and coconuts and god knew what else. Bucky was forced to use it, and later discovered that whoever had taken them had stored them in his underwear drawer.

Well. “Whoever” was pretty obvious. And that? That meant war.

So began their epic prank war.

Bucky liked to think he was ahead, if anyone was keeping tally. He'd short-sheeted Sam's bed (and Sam had been pretty pissed off when he'd ended up tearing holes in his Egyptian cotton sheets--Bucky had just laughed), and put Saran Wrap over his toilet seat.

In return, Sam had swapped the sugar bowl for salt, and Bucky--who liked a lot of sugar in his coffee, damn his sweet tooth--had almost thrown up after taking a sip of his first cup of the day. He'd also replaced Bucky's hair gel with Bengay, which Bucky had already smeared over most of his head before the burning started. He'd jumped back into the shower and washed that off pretty quick.

So okay. Maybe they were about even.

Bucky's crowning moment was when he'd made toffee apples for the Avengers team. They had all looked really tasty--except for Sam's, which was actually a peeled, shaped, raw potato. Sam had managed two bites before spitting it out, and the look on his face had Bucky laughing for days afterwards.

“I think my apple is rotten,” Sam had said, before looking at Bucky suspiciously. “It was an apple, right?”

Bucky had grinned. “Well, they were all ‘pommes’, it's just that yours might have been of the ‘earthy’ variety.”

“What?” Sam had asked, nonplussed, and Steve had laughed.

“It's a potato, Sam. The French call them ‘pomme de terre’--apple of the earth.”

“You fucker,” Sam had said almost admiringly, but he'd thrown his toffee ‘apple’ away.

“Why do you bother?” Steve had asked with a sigh that night as they lay in bed, Steve's head on Bucky's chest. “What do you even get out of it?”

“It's a matter of pride,” Bucky explained. “He started it, so if I give up now, it's like he's won.”

“Are you seriously telling me this is going to go on indefinitely?” Steve said incredulously.

Bucky shrugged. “I'll stop when he does.”

“Jesus Christ, you're both children,” Steve had responded with a sigh.

Mostly, though, the Avengers team found it pretty funny. No one took sides, and no one made any suggestions for pranks to either of them. They just sat back and watched as the prank war went on. And on.

***

Another day, another mission. They'd had intel that some HYDRA goons were trying to build some kind of weapon in a warehouse near the docks in DC, so the team went out to see if they could shut down the operation.

Unfortunately, their intel hadn't mentioned just how many HYDRA goons there would be at the location, and soon they were under heavy fire.

Bucky grabbed his sniper rifle and ran for cover.

“Sam! I need to get up high. Can you give me a ride?”

Sam didn't answer, and Bucky was starting to wonder if he'd heard when there was a rush of air and Bucky was lifted off his feet.

“Jesus Christ, Barnes, go on a diet, will you? You're killing me here,” Sam groaned as they flew towards the roof of one of the nearby warehouses.

“Maybe you just need to work out more. Your muscles not as big as you thought they were, huh?”

“I _will_ drop you,” Sam warned him, and Bucky laughed. “I mean it, Barnes. We're almost there and you're gonna have to drop and roll.”

“Okay, just get me as close as you can.”

Sam flew down a little, then dropped Bucky onto the warehouse roof. Bucky landed and rolled, before getting into position, taking pot shots at the bad guys.

Unfortunately it wasn't long before the HYDRA goons figured out his location and he soon began drawing fire. He rolled onto his back, taking cover as a hail of bullets flew past him.

“That was almost a good plan, Barnes,” Sam said in his ear, and Bucky laughed.

“Fuck you, Sam, it was an excellent plan. They're just smarter than we thought they'd be, is all.”

A low sound caught Bucky's attention and he raised his rifle, aiming it at the source of the noise. Suddenly, two HYDRA goons burst onto the roof, and Bucky neutralized them quickly.

“How many left?” he asked.

“We've got six on the ground, and I think there are two more heading your way,” Steve said, voice crackling through the earpiece.

“Five on the ground,” Natasha shot back. “Number six won't be getting up for a while.”

Bucky took out two more guys as they came up onto the roof while the rest of the team dealt with those on the ground. Sam swooped down and lifted Bucky off the roof, setting him down on the ground, and together the team went cautiously into the warehouse.

“What the fuck is that?” Bucky asked quietly, looking at a large construction in the middle of the room. It looked to be only half built, but it was big.

“That looks like alien technology--the kind we saw in New York,” Steve said with a frown.

“Aliens? Jesus,” Bucky responded, as they proceeded towards the room at the back of the warehouse.

A man came out, shooting, and Bucky raised his rifle but Steve yelled, “Alive if possible!” so instead of going for his head, Bucky shot him in the leg. The guy dropped his gun, going down with a groan. Steve ran forward, kicking the gun out the guy’s reach, and grabbing him by the shirt.

“Tell us what this is!”

The guy laughed. “It's a weapon, using alien technology. When it’s finished it will level whole cities. We'll hold the world to ransom with this.”

“Not on my watch,” Steve said firmly. He dragged the guy towards the front of the warehouse, pausing briefly as he reached the team. “Blow it up.”

Natasha nodded, and they all trooped out, getting to a safe distance. Natasha ran towards them, and suddenly there was a huge explosion as the warehouse blew up.

When they examined the damage, the weapon was in small pieces, but they were still big enough that unscrupulous people could use them.

“We need to get these to Tony,” Steve said, and the others nodded reluctantly, knowing that picking up all those little pieces would be a huge job.

It was late before they got back to the compound, and Bucky was looking forward to food, then something sweet, then bed and possibly filthy, tension relieving, life affirming sex with Steve.

He didn't even bother changing out of his combat gear before going through to the kitchen on the hunt for food. They'd eaten before coming back to the compound, but Bucky was still hungry. Call it increased metabolism, the adrenaline aftermath, or just the munchies. He needed something tasty.

“Do you think HYDRA have more of that alien tech?” Sam asked suddenly from behind Bucky, making him jump about a foot in the air.

“Jesus Christ, Sam, one of these days I'm gonna put bells on you so you can't sneak up on me!”

“Oh, man, I'm sorry. I know old, old men like you have to watch out and not have too many surprises in case you take a heart attack.”

“I'm sorry, what was that?” Bucky asked as he made himself a sandwich. “Your mouth was open but it was just high pitched tweeting noises, birdman.”

“You heard me, grandpa. You really should keep your walking stick nearby--you don't wanna fall on a floor as hard as this.”

“You know, a bird costume was perfect for you,” Bucky retorted, “because you really are a tit.”

“You guys done?” Steve asked from where he stood in the kitchen doorway. “Tony wants to see us.”

Bucky and Sam grinned at each other, and they followed Steve out, pushing at each other's shoulders as they both tried to get through the door first.

As they arrived in the debriefing room, Tony looked up. “Oh good, you're all here.”

“Is this gonna be quick?” Bucky whined. “I just made myself a sandwich.”

“I don't know if you're gonna have an appetite after this, Barnes,” Tony replied grimly. “According to new intel, HYDRA have a shitton of this alien tech, and they're using it to build weapons. A lot of weapons.”

“Where?” Steve asked, his expression pinched.

“All over the world. We can do what we can to try and neutralize the threat, but I think we're gonna need help on this if we're gonna get to them all before they're finished and fully operational.”

“How many weapons?” Natasha looked calculating and Bucky wondered what was going through her mind.

“We know of ten, currently, including the one you destroyed tonight, but there could potentially be more. All we know is these things are dangerous, and they have to be stopped.”

“Why now?” Clint asked. “Why so many years after New York even happened? What's taken them so long?”

“We don't know,” Tony replied. “We can only speculate. Maybe it took them this long to get hold of the tech; maybe it took them this long to learn how to use it; maybe they've got trialled and failed experiments in various warehouses. What's important now is that they've figured it out, and that doesn't bode well for the world.”

“When do we mobilize?” Bucky asked resignedly.

“First thing in the morning, so I'd suggest you all get a good night’s sleep. We've got a long few days ahead of us.”

Bucky wandered back through to the kitchen and looked at his masterpiece of a sandwich sadly. Tony had been right: he had completely lost his appetite.

“You not gonna eat that?” Sam asked, swooping in like an overgrown swallow and grabbing the plate.

“Help yourself, why don't you,” Bucky grumbled.

“I will, fanks,” Sam said around a mouthful of sandwich, and Bucky shuddered.

“Man, chew and swallow before you try to talk, yeah? That's really disgusting.”

“This is delicious,” Sam added after swallowing his mouthful, then held out the sandwich to Bucky. “You sure you don't want some?”

Bucky wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, no, I'm fine, thanks.”

Sam shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Bucky left him to it, heading up to his bedroom. He showered quickly, getting out as Steve came in, looking exhausted.

“Hmm, a shower seems like a really good idea right now,” Steve said with a yawn. “You gonna be awake when I get out?”

“You gonna make it worth my while?” Bucky retorted, hands on hips.

Steve strode up to him and kissed him deeply. “I'll make it very, very worth your while.”

Bucky grinned and slapped Steve on the ass. “Then hurry up.”

Bucky hung up his towel then climbed into bed to wait on Steve.

He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

***

“I can't believe you fell asleep.” Sam was snorting with laughter and it was particularly ugly. Bucky wasted no time in informing him of this fact.

“Do you blame me?” Sam asked with a grin. “Your seriously hot boyfriend--who if I swung that way I'd be all over and you wouldn't even get a look in, let me tell you, Barnes--tells you he's gonna give you some good lovin’, and you _fall asleep_? Who does that?”

“I was really tired!” Bucky whined, but Sam wasn't about to let it go.

“Come on. Hey, Natasha, you know what I'm talking about, right?”

“It is pretty sad, Barnes,” she told him.

Bucky crossed his arms and sulked the rest of the way. He couldn't believe that Steve had told people about that. Of course, Steve probably thought it had been funny, but it was embarrassing. Plus it meant that Bucky had missed out on getting laid, which was never a good time.

“Five minutes to land,” Tony announced, and Bucky sighed. This was going to be a long mission.

***

Bucky was right. (This came as no surprise to Bucky himself; he knew he was _always_ right, no matter what Steve said.) The mission was long, and difficult, and if it hadn't been for the assistance they got from local authorities things could have gone a lot worse than they had.

Instead, they had managed to destroy all the weapons with hardly any injuries to the team. Natasha had been grazed by a bullet on the shoulder, Tony was gonna have to do some repair work to his suit, and Clint had been complaining for two solid days about the lack of caffeine, but all in all it had gone pretty well.

All Bucky wanted to do was go home, and sleep, and…

“You gonna fall asleep when Steve is trying to give you the d again, Barnes?” Sam asked, quietly enough that Steve wouldn't hear him.

Bucky's response was to give him the finger. He was too tired to think of a witty reply.

They got back to the compound and they all headed to their rooms. Bucky, for all that he was tired, paused outside his door as Sam opened his…

...And was met with several loud popping noises as all the party poppers Bucky had attached to his door handle went off.

Sam screamed at the noise, then turned to Bucky and glared, head and shoulders covered in party popper innards.

Bucky grinned at him while doing jazz hands, and went into his own bedroom, giggling.

He didn't fall asleep while Steve was in the shower _that_ night.

He looked well fucked and smug when he went down for breakfast the next morning, and Sam, who was already sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal, rolled his eyes.

“Don't hate me just cause I'm having way more sex than you,” Bucky said in a sing song voice, and Sam glared at him.

“I get laid plenty, thanks.”

“Maybe, but I get to get fucked by a beautiful, big--”

“Lalala, I can't hear you,” Sam sang, hands over his ears. Bucky waited patiently until Sam warily took his hands away from his ears, then said, in as sultry a voice as he could muster,

“--cock.”

Sam winced. “Oh, god, why do you have to tell me about your sex life all the time?”

“You stay awake long enough to get the d last night then?” Natasha asked teasingly as she sauntered into the kitchen.

“Hell yeah,” Bucky replied with a grin, earning him a high five from Natasha.

“I hate you both,” Sam groaned, looking dejectedly down at his cereal.

“Aww, don't be sad, Sam. I know you're big enough now to know the facts of life,” Bucky began, sitting next to Sam and putting an arm around him, tightening his grip when Sam tried to shake him off, “so when two men love each other very, very much…”

Natasha laughed so hard she nearly choked on her coffee, and Sam gave Bucky a withering look.

“Do you know how much I hate you? I really, really hate you.”

Bucky's response was to give Sam a big, slobbery smooch on the cheek.

***

Bucky had been expecting near instant retaliation for making Sam scream like that, but the day was oddly quiet. Sam disappeared for a little while during the afternoon, but when Bucky went into his bedroom that night there was nothing amiss.

He didn't discover until he was trying to get dressed the following day that Sam had borrowed Wanda’s sewing machine and sewed all his socks half way up.

Impressed with Sam's ingenuity, but not willing to let him get away with that, Bucky stuffed a wad of toilet paper into the toes of every pair of Sam's shoes. He knew when Sam, who had been limping around half the day, caught on, because Bucky could hear him yell, “Mother _fucker_!” from across the compound.

That night, when Bucky flopped down on the sofa next to Sam, there was an enormous farting noise. The whole room went silent, eyes all turned to Bucky, who blushed.

“It wasn't me!” he protested.

“Sure sounded like you,” Sam said with a grin, and Bucky narrowed his eyes. Reaching underneath the cushion, he emerged with a whoopee cushion in his hand.

“Really, Sam? Really?” Bucky shook his head. “I'm disappointed in you.”

“Don't knock the oldies. They're classics for a reason.” Sam paused. “Hey, you should know something about that, being a hundred years old and all.”

“More old man jokes, really? Aren't they getting kinda stale?”

“Nope!” Sam replied with a grin, and Bucky sighed.

***

The following day, Bucky and Steve were out shopping for supplies for Natasha's birthday party, when they passed a joke shop.

“Oh my god, Steve, we have to go in there!” Bucky begged.

Steve gave him a long look. “Will you give me any peace at all until I let you?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nope. Come on, it'll only take five minutes.”

Ten minutes later they emerged from the shop, Bucky clutching a bag of goodies.

As soon as they got back he went into Sam's bathroom--Sam was downstairs, so Bucky knew he was safe.

He replaced the toilet roll with the roll of “no tear toilet roll”, although he made sure that the real stuff was still within reach. Then he replaced Sam's soap with a bar of “dirty face soap”, giggling to himself all the while.

That night, as he and Steve were just getting down to business, the door burst open to reveal Sam, face filthy, and glaring.

“Sam, what the hell?” Steve yelped, pulling the sheet over them.

“Ask your fucking _boyfriend_ ,” Sam snarled. “First the toilet paper and now this? I swear to god, Barnes, this had better wash off or I'll be coming for you.”

“Yeah, well, do you mind leaving now so I can come all over him?” Bucky quipped, and Sam looked equal parts horrified and disgusted.

“Oh my god I need brain bleach now, what the fuck, Barnes,” Sam said with a whimper, before backing out of the room.

Bucky snorted as soon as the door was closed, and turned to Steve, who raised an eyebrow.

“Did you really have to scar him like that?”

“He interrupted our alone time! Besides, he'll get over it. Eventually.”

Steve sighed, and Bucky leaned in to kiss him. “Now, where were we?”

***

As part of their shopping for Natasha's party, Bucky and Steve had bought a few cans of silly string. Bucky had left them in a cupboard, but when he went to get something out of there, he noticed that one of them was gone.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Wilson,” he muttered, then grabbed one of the cans, before going on the prowl. He finally spotted Sam asleep on one of the sofas in the communal area, and crept up to him, can raised…

Suddenly Sam opened his eyes and grinned as he pulled the missing can of silly string out from under him and, as if in silent agreement, they started to spray each other at the same time. As he was standing, Bucky had the better angle, and sprayed his can all over Sam's face and chest, while Sam's spray mostly went over Bucky's arm and the back of the sofa.

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but got a mouthful of silly string and turned his head to spit it out.

“Dammit, Barnes! Uncle, uncle!” Sam yelled, and Bucky grinned, lifting the can to his lips and blowing against the spray hole as though blowing smoke from the barrel of a gun.

“Champion!” Bucky shouted, hands in the air, until he turned around and saw Steve in the doorway, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What?”

Steve opened his eyes and looked at them, his expression stern. “You're both cleaning that mess up. Now.”

Sam and Bucky both groaned, but did as they'd been told to, and soon the sofa was clean again.

***

The following day, Bucky was trying to wash his face--trying being the operative word. No matter how much he rubbed at the soap, it refused to lather. He was getting increasingly aggravated, when something clicked in his brain and he glared at his reflection. Fucking Wilson.

He spent the next ten full minutes peeling the clear nail polish off the outside of the bar, losing a good amount of soap in the process, and Bucky fucking hated waste.

Once he was (finally) washed and dressed, he headed downstairs and found Sam sitting alone in the communal area. He took two sweets out of his pocket, unwrapping one and throwing it into his mouth before passing the other one to Sam.

“Peace offering?” he said lightly around the sweet in his mouth, and Sam grinned.

“Giving up, are you, Barnes?” he said with a laugh, popping the sweet into his mouth.

“We really should probably stop before it goes too far,” Bucky responded, hiding a grin.

“These sweets are good--where did you get them?”

“Oh, I got a bag when we were out shopping for Natasha's party,” Bucky said truthfully.

“They're so good!” Sam grinned at him, and Bucky swallowed a giggle. Sam's teeth--and the corners of his mouth--were now bright blue. “Anyway, I'd better go get ready. Got a brunch date with this super hot girl.”

Bucky pressed his lips together so he wouldn't start to laugh. “Uh, have fun!”

“Thanks, man.” Sam got up to go, and as soon as he was out the room, Bucky collapsed onto the sofa, nearly sobbing with laughter. Wanda came in and looked at him, concerned.

“Are you okay, Bucky?”

“I'm fine,” Bucky wheezed. “I just played a prank on Sam, and he's gonna realise any second now--”

“Barnes!” Sam roared from upstairs at that moment, and Bucky started to giggle again. “I'm going to fucking kill you, you little shit!”

“Brush your fucking teeth, Wilson!” Bucky yelled back.

Wanda shook her head, smiling. “What did you do?”

Bucky explained, and Wanda laughed. “I didn't know you could get those kinds of things.”

“Oh, man, okay, you and I are going to a joke shop some day,” Bucky told her. “There are some awesome pranks you can play on Vision.”

Wanda rolled her eyes and laughed again as Sam stormed into the room.

“My fucking tongue is blue and it won't wash off!” he said, slightly hysterically.

Bucky sighed heavily. “Have you tried brushing it with your toothbrush?”

Sam paused. “Uh. No.”

Bucky waved his hand dismissively, and Sam left the room, shouting behind him, “You _will_ pay for this, Barnes!”

Bucky just grinned at Wanda. Another line on the scoreboard for him.

***

The next day was oddly quiet--no pranks, no jokes, no retaliation from Sam. He had finally managed to clean all the blue from his mouth before his date, which had gone well, but Bucky had barely seen him since.

Steve had gone out to get groceries, wearing tight jeans that did wonders for his ass. Just thinking about it was getting Bucky hot, so he settled on the bed, undoing his pants and pulling his cock out of his boxers. He began to stroke slowly, thinking of Steve’s mouth on his, Steve's ass tight around his cock as they fucked, Steve's cock inside him and fuck, he was getting close.

He swiped his thumb through the precome gathering on the head of his cock and rubbed it over the head and down the shaft, moaning Steve's name as he felt his orgasm building. He was almost there… Almost…

There was a loud screech from under the bed, and Bucky jumped, pulling his hand off his cock and doing up his pants.

He looked under the bed, and saw…

“Is that a fucking _baby monitor_?” he growled, grabbing it and storming through to Sam's room, his cock completely soft by now. Sam was sitting on his bed, the other monitor in hand, and he laughed when Bucky stormed in.

“Awww, I'm sorry, did I wake you up from your nap?” Sam asked with a grin.

“I wasn't napping, asshole! I was trying to get off, and I was _almost fucking there_ when you played your little prank!”

Sam's response was to collapse in fits of laughter.

Jerk.

Bucky threw the other monitor at his head, but Sam dodged it easily. “I'll let you get back to that, shall I?” Sam asked between giggles, and Bucky glared.

“Mood’s gone now. I need a fucking cup of coffee.”

He stomped downstairs on a wave of Sam's laughter, cursing him under his breath.

***

Later that day, after a quick trip to the costume store, Bucky was sitting in one of the many closets in the compound, terrifying mask on and giggling to himself.

He took out his cellphone and called Sam.

“ _What's up, Barnes_?”

“Hey, Sam! I need you to do me a favor. Can you go into the closet on the second floor--the big one--and fetch some string for me? I'm out right now shopping but I can't remember exactly where you said you put it.”

“ _Ugh, fine, but you owe me_.”

“Of course! Thanks, man.”

Bucky ended the call and laughed quietly to himself, pulling the mask back over his mouth. He heard footsteps coming along the corridor and held his breath.

The door opened and Bucky pounced on Sam with a roar. Sam screamed as a figure with a werewolf head attacked him, before punching Bucky so hard in the jaw that he almost saw stars.

Bucky tore the mask off, frowning. “Man, what the fuck? That hurt!”

“What the fuck? You jump out of a closet at me wearing a werewolf mask and you're asking _me_ what the fuck?” Sam's tone was hysterical, and Bucky grinned.

“Surprise!”

“Motherfucker I will end you,” Sam snarled, and Bucky ran as Sam chased him through the compound.

Steve called on him as he ran past, and Bucky blew him a kiss.

“Can't talk now, Sam's gonna kill me, catch you later, babe!” Bucky called over his shoulder.

Sam eventually caught up with Bucky, tackling him down and commencing their most epic tickle fight in a long time. Bucky was stronger, but Sam was a slippery bastard, and he quickly had the upper hand. Bucky screeched as Sam dug his fingers in, laughing and crying in equal measures.

“Noooo okay I give, I give, fucking uncle, Sam, Jesus!”

“You do that to be again, Barnes, I'll castrate you in your sleep,” Sam growled.

“God, you're such a spoilsport. Okay, fine, I won't.”

“Good.” Sam got up, before helping Bucky up from the floor. “I'm gonna fuck you up for this, Barnes.”

“Bring it on!”

***

The following day, Bucky was using his laptop. Or, well. Trying to use his laptop would be the more accurate way of putting it, as his touchpad seemed to be on the blink. When he tried to move the mouse arrow to the left, it moved to the right, and vice versa.

Bucky spent about half an hour scratching his head over the problem, when it occurred to him that Sam had disappeared for a long time that morning, while Bucky's laptop was open. He scowled, then got out his phone and did a web search for his problem.

Turned out Sam had gone into his touchpad settings and fiddled with them when Bucky wasn't there.

Bucky simply grinned, and enjoyed the following day when Sam was sitting in the communal area of the compound, frantically clicking everywhere to no avail.

It was a simple trick--Bucky had taken a screencap of Sam's desktop and full sized it so Sam was actually clicking on a jpeg, and not real icons.

It might have been simple, but it still took Sam about three quarters of an hour to figure out what he'd done. When he finally figured it out, he burst out laughing, and shook Bucky's hand.

“Okay, okay, Barnes. You win. I'm officially calling it,” Sam said with a grin. “I can't keep up with you any more.”

“So you admit I'm a better prankster than you?” Bucky asked, delighted.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yes, I admit that you are a better prankster than me. God knows what you'd have done if you'd had access to _Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes_.”

“Had access to what now?” Bucky asked, his tone confused.

Sam stared at him. “Are you trying to tell me you've still never read the Harry Potter books? Man, you've been out of cryo for like two years now, and you had all that downtime in Romania? You have no excuse. I'm lending you them right now.”

“Sam,” Bucky said with a grin, “I'm a fucking Slytherin.”

Sam paused and looked at him, then laughed. And laughed. “No way are you in Slytherin,” he wheezed. “You're a fucking Hufflepuff if you're anything, Barnes.”

“What am I?” Steve asked from his position on the sofa.

“Gryffindor,” Sam and Bucky said in unison.

“He hasn't read the books?” Sam asked Bucky.

“He says he has ‘better things to do’,” Bucky scoffed. “Although what's better than reading Harry Potter I don't know.”

“Right?” Sam said with a laugh. “I definitely see you as a Ron Weasley kind of character.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Excuse you, I am not a sidekick. I suppose you see yourself as the brainy Hermione?”

“Damn straight I am. I'm smarter than all of y’all.”

“Oh, yeah, of course you are… says the guy who just spent forty five minutes clicking a jpeg!”

Bucky could see Steve rolling his eyes, and grinned at Sam. Steve might not wholly understand their friendship, but that didn't matter.

Even that night, when he tried to shower and discovered the contents of all his bottles had been swapped around, all he could do was laugh.

It was _on_.


End file.
